The 1990's saw me transitioning from a life of post graduate wanderings and living paycheck to paycheck. I evolved from pursing a life in the theater in New York City to a stable life of married woman with a job. Giving up my dream of performing in theater - a life I loved very much, was precipitated by the realization that I was outgrowing my peers and spent my life talking about performing and success rather than actually participating in it.
Everyone loves to socialize. The relatively new social media hype (of which this blog is a part) denotes this craze and I'm not immune. Back on the 1980's when I attended university, I spent a great deal of my time talking to my friends discussing everything - theater, politics, dreams, classes, metaphysics - you name it we dissected it all to within an inch of our lives. I realized back then that I was creating my own "bitch and moan" crowd; spending time talking and not enough doing and most of the talk surrounding how terrible everything was. The more I theorized with my complaining buddies, the more it reinforced how smart I was (or so I thought to myself). After awhile I wanted out and left for New York in 1989 because I was done with bitching and moaning and ready for action.
I found it working at 13th Street Theater, a small Off-Off Broadway theater company that at times literally swept kids off the street to perform in plays. I worked the tech booth, the box office, sometimes stage managed and performed for about two years. I had found friends who I could related to and was thankful I could vibe with people from all over the world.
Then in 1993 I changed. I needed my freedom but I also got a wake up call to move on or else be stuck for years. My apartment was broken into and all the stuff I bought that got me into debt was stolen! I took the event as a wake up call and decided that things had to change and change fast.
(Within weeks of that event, I had my first date with the guy who I later married so sometimes change is thrust upon you!)
By 1996 I found myself stuck again. This time, it wasn't external. I was the one who was stuck. I knew something needed to adjust but I didn't know where to start. My husband told me about Julia Cameron's work "The Artist's Way" which is a 12 week inner workbook that opened up a lot of healing for me - the blocked artist. Adulthood often puts a damper on fun and I was no exception. "The Artist's Way" gave me permission to try something new and stretch myself. One of those "stretches" was Kundalini Yoga.
I was first made familiar with Kundalini Yoga from working on a play back at the University of Minnesota. I was cast in a new play by Omaha Magic Theater creators Joanne Schmidman and Megan Terry. They came to the U to help us with the staging and also lead a workshop. Joanne Schmidman was my guide and coach. Her approach was amazing in that she used Yoga as a means to get us out of our "heads" and into our intuitive bodies - and intuition and impulsivity that allowed me to create without judging myself or censor myself in any way. In the workshop, we used Hatha Yoga, but instead of poses, used breath and movement - I was exhausted running around the black box and doing the plough, but my creativity was absolutely heightened and finally I stopped "thinking" too hard and allowed me to do what my greater being wanted to play at.
The experience changed my life, opened me up to all sorts of new possibilities and was as much a metaphysical revelation as a creative one. I knew that there was something bigger that I could do - something beyond my sentient self and wanted to know more.
So, ten years later, I decided I was going to try this Yoga thing again. Fortunately for me, there was a Kundalini Yoga studio right in Manhattan. I don't recall how I found it, but I did start attending classes.
The teacher was Ravi Singh. He had classes every day and on Saturday. I tried a Thursday class after work and it was amazing. We did breath, sound, poses with movement and meditation. It was a little scary because I had no idea what I was chanting, but I kept attending classes. I even took a Bliss Hips class one Wednesday evening bringing in a friend of mine from work. About an hour after the class finished, I started to break out. Soon I was covered in welts from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet. I knew that the yoga workout was a massive detoxing of something - certainly my skin and its welts were evidence of something wanting to leave my body. I coped with some almond oil and a pint of beer - and I found some relief, although now I would forgo the beer!
I practiced Kundalini Yoga on my own for a couple of years and then I became pregnant. All previous routines stopped as soon as my son was born and it has taken me over a decade to regain the patterns and discipline I was able to enjoy prior to his birth. Babies have a way of screwing up your daily life that way! Now that my youngest is 9 and I made a conscious effort to work from home, I am looking again at Kundalini Yoga to bring order, transformation and a cleansing to my life.
So, two years ago (2010) I bought a bunch of DVDS of my former teacher, Ravi Singh who is now partnered with the effervescent Ana Brett. They have recreated his old tapes into beautiful, clean yoga DVD's that clearly instruct Yoga sets for everyone from the beginner to the adept. I signed up with the newsletter and today in my inbox I received it with a very cool notation.
It takes about 40 days to build a new habit. It said.
I have read about 21 days to build a habit so this was a "hmmmmm" moment. 40 days huh? But it makes sense.
One of the new habits I wanted to create is a daily workout/yoga habit. I want to pursue this because intuitively I feel the need to change and create positive habits is calling me, not unlike when I decided to walk away from my "bitch and moan" crowd in the late 80's and the time I knew I needed to walk away from the theater in 1993.
I also know that if I don't take heed from this intuitive hunch that God will make the change on my behalf. Call it my inner Jonah or call me a cab, I have seen this time and again and I hear the same intuitive hit that says "this is the moment - I need to change my habits because my future depends on it". When I felt this tug in early 1989 and again in 1993, it made me feel anxious and nervous - a sort of restlessness that indicated that change was necessary and imminent - not unlike a looming wall of clouds that signal tornado weather. In my own symbolic lexicon, tornadoes always indicate positive change - not destruction. Tornadoes is somewhat like "forced change" or a clearing of the slate from dead air and heavy energy so that abundant lighter energy full of oxygen and negatively charged ions can bring some clarity and serenity in what was previously dressed in heavy, depressing, anxious energy.
So, like with the bible's themes of 40 days and 40 nights, I will look at my habits, beginning with the simplest and see what happens. I bet that by March 18, if I keep up with yoga, meditation, or conscious gratitude, I will be in a totally different place. This time corresponds to Lent so making adjustments to my habits makes this the perfect "time" to make any changes.
What will aid me in this quest is a couple of apps I just downloaded. One of these is Gooall!! by Strongkick and its companion of Unkill Lifetime. These were apps I downloaded in Google Play and they are both free. I will also download a Pomodoro app and might try HabitStreak.
The biggest issue people have when changing habits is staying focused. Creating a new routine or even a lifestyle change requires consistent practice. I will be using these apps to help me keep this focus and stay on task.
This is both exciting and a little scary. For a commitment freak like myself this will be an interesting month and a half!
For Kundalini Yoga DVD's check out this:
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